(So tired) Tired of Waiting
The blog has a musical theme each week to describe the emotional life of the author while he is away from home on his national book tour -- the book tour for which there is still, inexplicably, no book. Bookstore owners stare at him uncomprehendingly when he explains that he has driven to 43 states to tell bookstore owners that he still has no book, but that it will be ready soon; very soon.
Author on book tour - with no book
He thinks about the book that he still does not have, but as March draws to an end, and the book tour itself is nearly over as well, he is reminded of the Kinks’ hit song, “(So tired) Tired of Waiting for You.”
Kinks’ album cover
“So tired, tired of waiting/Tired of waiting for you
So tired, tired of waiting/Tired of waiting for you
I was a lonely soul/I had nobody 'til I found you (my book)
But you keep-a me waiting/All of the time, what can I do?”
WHERE IS THE BOOK? We cannot answer this question without first talking about irony. Life is full of irony, you see. The author kept putting off writing the book for ten years. So, it is only fitting that once he has written it, the fates would conspire to keep the final book out of his hands as long as possible.
The conspiracy of the eye in the triangle - is it the masons?
As it turns out, the author found the perfect book designer in London. The designer is trying to make the book as close to perfect as humanly possible. But it is impossible for humans to achieve perfection, therefore, the designer is busy trying to accomplish the impossible, while the author drives from state to state and town to town. Since no one pressured the author to finish writing the book, furthermore, it does not seem fair that he should pressure the designer to finish laying out the book. Stalemate.
Even stable geniuses sometimes reach stalemate
Sweet irony. And what, dear reader, is irony? It is a state of affairs that seems contrary to what one expects and is often amusing (to the reader). The author expects to have a book while he is out on a national book tour, but for reasons often beyond his control, he still does not. It is also a literary technique by which the full significance of a situation is clear to the reader. All of you know what is happening, but apparently the author still does not.
Examples of irony surround us
The author and the designer have actually become close friends in the course of three months since the designer began working on the book. The author talks to the designer more than any other person in his life at this point, unless you count the dog, but Mr. Bones has no idea what the author is saying. It all sounds like “blah blah blah” until the Mr. Bones hears key words that matter, like, “go for a walk” or “do you need to pee?” He also knows “breakfast” and “dinner.” At the sound of “book,” Mr. Bones dozes off.
What dogs hear when we talk to them
The author and the designer often talk about the book for an hour or more, sometimes going in circles. The designer will say, “I don’t know where this picture goes.” The author says, “It goes right after the paragraph that says XYZ.” The designer says, “I can’t find that paragraph.” The author is sure that the paragraph is there. He opens the final draft he sent to the designer and is shocked to find that the paragraph is not in the book, for some reason that he cannot comprehend.
The great “Who’s on First” comedy routine
It was in the book; he put it there himself. He does not remember deleting it. How did this happen? The author realizes that he is generally confused; sometimes does even not know what state he is, in after driving 25,000 miles in five months. He does not always know what day it is, or what time zone he is in. He just wakes up and keeps driving. The book tour is probably preventing him from finally completing the book which he is supposed to be promoting on the tour. The situation is just dripping with irony.
The author hopes that all of you find this hilarious, because he does not. He is in the throes of an existential crisis over the situation. How can he be on a book tour with no book? Who would do such a thing, and why, he wonders. The logical thing would have been to wait until the book was ready, but he had to go through the South during the winter. He had to leave home before winter was over. So be it.
The Deep South, plus AZ, NM, and CA
Stay tuned for further developments in this ongoing saga.
